Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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