i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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