i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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