I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
