I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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