remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
