to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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