Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
