Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
