I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
