dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
