Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
