I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
