He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
