You don't have asthma, your pregnant
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
