it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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