She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
