You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
