I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
