Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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