My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
