i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
