Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
