so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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