i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
