I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
