Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
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I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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