I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
