When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
