Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
