I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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