I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
