I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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