so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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