You can't special order awesome
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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