About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
