Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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