Moan for me like Helen Keller
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
