I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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