You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
