Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
