i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
