shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
