OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
