I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Come see our sink grown plant.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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