so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
