The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
