My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
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Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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