New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i think my cat just said my name.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
