Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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