No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
