I wish I could teleport
Where did you get a picture of my penis
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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