I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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