i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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