you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
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