Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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