Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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