Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
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She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
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Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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