I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
