im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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