Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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