Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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