Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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