Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can't turn off my feet"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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