Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
