Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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