fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you would pick up someone in the library
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
