A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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