A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
