I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
