Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
