you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.