There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect