Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack