I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.