the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.