scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.