feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
