There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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