the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
