if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She bit a glass in half.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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