It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
