omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize